Thursday, May 20, 2010
Understanding Travoltas' 'Replacement' Child-Baby News Big Turnaround for Travoltas
It's a cruel term -- the replacement child -- that suggests a parent wipes out the agonizing grief of the death of one child with the birth of another.
This week actors John Travolta, 56, and his wife Kelly Preston, 47, announced that they were expecting a child, just one year after the loss of their 16-year-old son Jett, who died after having a seizure at their vacation villa in the Bahamas.
Jett was autistic and had endured a lifetime of such seizures.
"It's impossible to keep a secret ...Especially one as wonderful as this," wrote Preston, who is three months pregnant and due in November, on her official website. The couple also has a 10-year-old daughter Ella Bleu.
When a child dies, many parents have a "natural urge" to have another, according to Katherine Shear, professor of psychiatry and social work at Columbia University who specializes in complicated grief.
"A lot of parents do wish to have another child to come to terms with the loss," she said. "After they've accepted the loss, it's a very natural part of life and can be a very healing thing to do."
"When they do this, it's usually with a little bit of sadness and trepidation even when they know it's the right thing for them, and I don't think we should judge them," she said. "When they make that decision, it's a hard one to make and we should primarily support them."
Other psychologists say that having another child so quickly after such a tragic loss can compound the devastation, leaving the grief process unresolved.
Just when it seemed things couldn't get any worse for the Travoltas, the couple announced some good news -- that they are expecting a baby.
John Travolta, 56, and Kelly Preston, 47, disclosed the news Tuesday on their Web site, overshadowing the reports that their two dogs had been killed last week in "an unfortunate accident" on the tarmac of Bangor International Airport in Maine.
Their announcement comes just over a year after their 16-year-old son Jett died after suffering a seizure in the Bahamas on Jan. 2, 2009.
"It's impossible to keep a secret," they wrote, "especially one as wonderful as this."
"We want to be the first to share this great news with everyone that we are expecting a new addition to our family," the online statement continued and was signed "Love, John, Kelly and Ella."
Ella is the couple's 10-year-old daughter. It's not sure when her sibling will be born. Star magazine is reporting in its issue that hits newstands Wednesday that Preston, 47, is about three months pregnant.
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