Lady Gaga and her zipper vagina

Lady Gaga and her zipper vagina (I knew it!) appear in the latest issue of NME where she reacts to critics who claim �Born This Way� is a blatant ripoff of Madonna�s �Express Yourself.� Via ONTD and The Huffington Post:

�That�s retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about. I will look you in your eyes and tell you that I am not dumb or moronic enough not to see that I would have stolen a melody. If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It�s the same one that�s been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I�m the first fucking artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn�t mean I�m a plagiarist, it means I�m fucking smart. Sorry.�

On top of being the smartest pop star in the world, Lady GaGa is also receiving direct messages from God who she says wrote the lyrics for her latest song �Judas� despite claiming just last week that the late Alexander McQueen writes her music:

�(Starts crying) I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it � there�s no way for something that pure to be wrong. (Reaches for Marilyn Monroe lighter) I need a cigarette.�

Per their marketing strategy, the song has come under fire from the Catholic League, prompting Lady GaGa�s �creative director,� a devout Christian by the way, to defend the song to The Hollywood Reporter:

�We don�t touch on things that we have no right touching upon, but the inspiration and the soul and idea that out of your oppression, your darkness, your Judas, you can come into the marvelous light. So it�s about the inspiration and to never give up� We�ve created a new Jerusalem,� Gibson offered.

Oh, good. Equate your music with the holy land where the most pivotal parts of the New Testament took place. That�ll quiet all that religious fervor. Next, you can say Lady GaGa is actually a direct descendent of Mary Magdalene and Jesus only to turn around and claim she also evolved from a Communion wafer. I�m thinking outside a Planned Parenthood seems like the perfect spot for that announcement. Maybe hire a couple of gay dancers, pull some rosary beads out of their butts, it�ll be great.