"American Idol" judge Simon Cowell gets personal with Oprah Winfrey, opening up about his engagement to Mezhgan Hussainy, Paula Abdul's departure from the show, and his low points in life.
Simon Cowell has showed off his softer side, telling Oprah Winfrey he has suffered from depression and admitting he had made "some absolutely horrific mistakes" in the past.
The normally abrasive American Idol judge said during an appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show that he was prone to dark moods.
"I get very, very down," Cowell said.
"Pretty much depression. (But) what I always say is, 'You're taking yourself too seriously, so stop it'.
"At the same time, you should never put a painted smile on. When you're feeling down, you're feeling down."
Cowell, 50, has his own record label and also created the TV shows America's Got Talent and The X-Factor.
He said he sometimes felt drained by the demands of his work.
"You just become aware that a lot of people depend on you, rely on you, or you're not giving people the time you should be giving them. It's almost like a guilt thing - and that does drain me," he said.
Often seen as arrogant because of his stinging put-downs to aspiring entertainers, Cowell admitted he had a strong ego.
But life has not always been kind, he said.
He recalled the time 20 years ago when he lost his job, car and home and had to move back to live with his parents in Britain when a business deal went wrong.
"I made some absolutely horrific mistakes," he said.
"I believed my own ego, believed my own hype, believed my own abilities and lots of times it came crashing down. I thought I was absolutely untouchable."
Cowell's interview with Winfrey was broadcast a week before the May 26 finale of American Idol, which will mark the end of his eight-year association with the most-watched TV show in the US.
"American Idol" judge Simon Cowell gets personal with Oprah Winfrey, opening up about his engagement to Mezhgan Hussainy, Paula Abdul's departure from the show, and his low points in life.
"I've never been good at relationships," he tells Winfrey. "I never thought I'd be with one person. ... I never genuinely thought anyone would want to live with me."
He explains why he never thought he was the marrying type, saying, "I'm selfish, quite weird and I need time on my own to think, and I work all night." Cowell tells Oprah that he's quite moody and has bouts with depression. "I'm very dark when I'm in those moments. I'm very down. ... Pretty much depression. ... I just get down at times."
This is Cowell's last season on "Idol" and he discloses that he thinks the finale will be "emotional." Reflecting over the seasons past where he sat alongside former judge Abdul, he comments on her decision to leave the program, saying, "I think we had a great team. ... Paula, she's a survivor. She's got great instincts. ... She's going to come back on top."
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